A.K.A. fix your (relationship) shit. Everyone can change. More so everyone SHOULD change……
“How many of you own as self-help book?….You can’t help yourself, because your self sucks.” – Billy Bob Thorton, School for Scoundrels
Kind of has a point… Ya, I said it and I meant it.
You cant help yourself if you can only see from your point of view. You “suck” by your own admonition: you’re perusing a “self help book” , so obviously there is something in the proverbial mirror that you don’t like. Put more gently; you cant help yourself if you are going to continue thinking the same way and buying a book to tell you how to behave differently is useless because everyone’s mindset and situations are unique. Besides, changing your mindset is something you alone can accomplish. No one can do it for you, hell, it’s not very likely that others can even help you. You have to want to. The relationship you want to improve has to be worth you working (hard) to be better.
If you fight with your spouse, argue with a parent or don’t get along with a colleague I’m sorry to say, but it’s not all their fault (whatever form the “they” may take). Now, I know first hand that there are irrational, even terrible people out there, but a fight takes (at least) two people, no matter how you slice it. So, now we, ourselves, have to take responsibility for at least part of the fight. Now that we have contracted some of the blame, how do we get out of our own heads? How to remove ourselves from the situation and see it from a different view?
The best approach I’ve found, is to flip it. Whatever emotion I feel apply the opposite to the other person. WTH does that mean?!
Example: I am divorced and now re-married, I have 2 children. My ex husband lied to me (often), my eldest lied to me, and one day out of the blue my fiance (now husband) lied to me as well. NEWS FLASH if three of the people closest to you lie to you, there is a common denominator. And guess what?! It ain’t them!!! So I am angry. What is the opposite….scared. My family is scared to tell me the truth. Leading to part two of “fix my shit”: what am I doing wrong? I am unapproachable.
I think its a pretty safe assumption that 99% of people don’t enjoy fighting. No one I know wakes up and thinks ” I really want to fuck up someones day. What can I do to piss them off?” So giving whomever your “opponent” is the benefit of doubt, lets just assume the best of them, and that they are as apprehensive about a confrontation with you, as you are with them.
So far, we’ve covered the “psycho-analysis” pretty thoroughly i think. On to the “spellwork” part. You have to be the ‘bigger person’, especially when you don’t want to.
Spell: (noun) a spoken word or form of words held to have magical power. 2: a strong compelling influence or attraction.
Now all of the ‘extra magick folks’ are looking for their special instructions here, and I’m going to disappoint. Everything is a spell. Every time you write…its called “spelling” for a reason. I have just changed your entire mental network today, just because you read this (but this is a separate blog for a better day). So just try to do better with your influence and you will attract better.
In magick this would be the mental equivalent of a honey jar (a jar with sugar and/or honey, intended to sweeten the intended ‘target’) in the mundane world, its projecting your expectations and laying down rules of engagement (in other words ‘ do unto others, as you would have done unto you).
Taking my example, I have to lay aside my hurt and anger. Then analyze why. Why am I hurt? They don’t trust me. That is on me. Not them. I am not being worthy of their trust. What have I done in the past to lose their trust? (I fortunately, was in my car alone when i found ‘the lie’ ( a small purchase of little consequence) and had plenty of time to process all of this.
My husband and I still fight occasionally, when we are both too tired to be the better person. When we are so wrapped up in our own stress, to understand one another. When we cant help ourselves, because our self’s suck.
But when we can, it makes our relationship a little better, a little stronger, and the good days a bit brighter.
…I guess really the moral is ‘get your head out of your ass’ but that didn’t sound very nice… 🙂
until next time